Sep 25 2008
I feel like I need to write something
This blog isn’t called welcome to crazy town for nothing, I really do believe I am losing it. Ever slowly as time passes all sense of rational just ebbs away in the waters of insanity. It’s not just the psychosis that is getting to me, I think the depression is back. After Emily and I ended our strange relationship, I had expected a huge time of immense sadness. I mean after-all here was a girl I had known most my life and was completely in love with, but the moment never came. I had been preparing for it in the week leading up to that day. At first I thought nothing of it, thinking that maybe I had prepared myself enough so that it didn’t affect me so badly. That was almost a month ago, now here I am almost at the end of September and of all the things that had to pop up; I felt it. The early signs: severe insomnia, loss of rational thought, heavy cynicism, even now I can feel it getting worse. The thing is, I don’t even want to fight it. I want to feel that sense of worthlessness, of anguish knowing something could have been done, of old pains rising up to the surface. I think it’s one of the few times I ever feel human. If this is as bad or even worse than the last bout I had, I’m not sure how long it will take to blow over. The time before lasted about 7 months. I don’t want my freshman year in college to be all about my misery. I mean my blog would turn into an emo haven of dark poetry and heart breaking images. At this point, it’ll take a miracle to reverse the process. And even then, it’s not guaranteed it’s going to work.
