Welcome To Crazy Town

I don’t know if it’s because it’s so early or if it’s because I’ve finally matured with my perspective but things that I used to enjoy now disgust me. I find myself questioning my past actions more and more and thinking of the better alternatives I could have taken at the time. I like to do that. I like to play the “What if?” game in my head continuously. Get to think about the possibilities of things that are happening and have already happened. Continuously musing on would be futures of decisions made long ago. How would things be different now? I always ask, where would I be? Who would I be? Asking questions to a mute world where everyone knows the answers but they speak not for they lack the ability to do so. No because they are actually mute, no they suffer from another crippling disability known as expectation. My friend Andrew Mains posted a blog about a year back about his falling out with our friend Jake. They didn’t get in a fight or get separated by distance, they simply stopped being close. Not that they didn’t want to be close friends, it’s that they hit upon that taboo that men can’t be open with their feelings with each other. So they couldn’t get into deeper things that they needed for the friendship to survive. I wonder what would be different if they had overcome that taboo, and who would be affected most by the change? How would others change to fit this?

Again my brain is restless for the night

Thinking back to the paths taken during my life

And wondering if I took a wrong turn somewhere

Only to end up lost

A stranger in a strange land.